Over the past few years, it has become increasingly apparent that the fundamentals of communication have deteriorated. To be more specific, it starts with a breakdown of listening. Maybe digging a little deeper means taking the time to pause and give the person speaking your full attention. Notice the key words here – “with you” and not “at you.”
When individuals are asked about this discussion area of listening and giving deliberate attention to another person, they often offer various excuses or distractions. Some of the common responses are: “so busy they don’t have time,” “running late for another commitment,” “doesn’t concern me,” etc. Then there is the distraction of technology. Rather than pausing to make eye contact with the speaker, the other person keeps their eyes on their phone or another device.
No one is free of this challenge. We all think we are great multitaskers and can be 100% present to the conversation while also attending to text, email, or other distractions. The reality is that, as much as we think we can multitask, our brains are serial in nature but operate at rapid speeds to help us address multiple simultaneous dynamics around us. We lean into this to trick ourselves into a state of being able to listen to and process multiple things at once. The challenge is so pervasive that we don’t even know where we are doing it.
As leaders, we must lead the way to changing this listening deficit. This week, take the opportunity to pause and simply observe the nature of communication amongst your team members. Do you witness that when two parties are speaking with each other, both are giving the real time to not just hear but to listen? Can you see that individuals already form their response before the other person has finished speaking?
Observe your own behavior during conversations. Are you already thinking of the next thing on your to-do list rather than the topic of the conversation? Are you relying on your perceived multitasking capability to handle all the simultaneous inputs? This is a very difficult set of habits to work on. It might even be harder than going on a strict diet to improve your physical health. It can be easier to skip a meal or eat smaller portions than to stop and give the person speaking your full attention and listen fully.
Part of this challenge is our perception that multitasking saves us time. In reality, it adds time to the process and complicates outcomes because, too often, when listening falters, it leads to rework or a complete breakdown in information transfer, which affects the contribution.
Your first step this week is to acknowledge that you are challenged by the noise around you and that your ability to listen is impaired. It takes real focus and prioritizing listening to fully commit to the person you are speaking with.
Seeking to become a better leader by improving your listening skills? Perhaps a conversation with a JK Associates Promise Guide could yield better outcomes. Give us a call at FL (407) 984-7246 or MI (313) 527-7945.
Journey On!
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